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Archive for the ‘Thought for Food’ Category

If I ever need a good laugh, I click on my blog stats and check out the search terms that people typed in to get to my website. This is a nice WordPress feature. Most of the search terms are pretty relevant, but some are just tad off-center.

So I thought I would take a moment to reply to these kind souls who have landed on my website based on these search terms that they entered, because I feel like everyone who visits my site is a friend, and I want make sure that I meet your needs too.

egg fried rice secret smell: There should be no secret smell to your fried rice. Maybe you’re using rotten eggs? Dishes that you serve really shouldn’t have secret smells. Thats gross.

sperm weird, cod sperm sushi, frog sperm ap….

**I have moved!! Read the rest of my post at my new home** 

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(photo from Louisiana Crawfish)

Other than our weekend fishing excursions when we were kids, we also used to catch crawfish in the river. Mom used to go to the market, buy a whole chicken to use….

**I have moved! Read the rest of this post at my new home** 

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Max, the exec editor of Creative Loafing (weekly entertainment paper) gave me a shoutout on my Spam Fried Rice post. I thought it was so nice of him that I offered to bring a freshly fried batch of the stuff to his office.

And he thought I wouldn’t follow through.

**I’ve moved!! Read the rest of this post at my new home** 

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Thanks for all the advice and opinions. I think I’m comfortable enough to use my real name because I generally just stick to writing about food and not the people who live down the street that let their flea-infested dog crap on my front lawn. I figure that if I can make fun of myself almost as often as I poke fun at someone else, the world will go on spinning. If I can’t publish something and stand behind it, then I probably shouldn’t have said it at all.

I really think as a food blogger, I have some sort of responsibility to self-edit and sprinkle perfectly julienned bits of love and joy to all of mankind. Oh yeah, and world peace.

Great thing is that I always have the strikethrough option, so when I say “sometimes I sprinkle Splenda on my salad” I can strike and and pretend that you couldn’t read that. Its kind of a built in “do-over” and whatever I said doesn’t count towards my karma.

And to those people at the she-male site who obviously are fans of my site, I’ve come to accept that TRANSVESTITES ARE FOODIES TOO.

Just don’t touch me.

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I’m a relatively new blogger living in a city whose average age of residents is 76. The most happenin’ place in town is the early bird happy hour at Bob Evans – their menu is popular because it consists of very soft, easy to gum foods like mashed potatoes and pureed Viagra. Not much happening here in this town, and I’ve lost some of my big city edginess and guard. I’ll admit that I’m pretty naive to this whole blogging world.

I just have some questions for you veterans, because you know, I don’t want to do anything stupid to jeopardize like the rest of my life or anything.

Why do most bloggers not show real identities or real photos? I’ve seen sites with nicknames, initials, lips, cartoon characters. It just seems silly to me to call my husband “S’ or my kids, “Thing #1 and #2.” I’m not a known felon, nor am I in any witness protection program. I haven’t been an employee for a company in over 10 years, so I’m not afraid of pissing anyone off.

Is there some massive blogger identity theft ring that I should know about? Should I put the black bar over my eyes like in the back page of fashion magazines where they show the FASHION DON’TS??!

I swear I don’t wear daisy dukes with hooker heels….only with my CFM boots.

Maybe its the other way around. Maybe bloggers don’t want their friends and families snoopin’ around their blogs, because then you can’t say stuff like, “My sister is a slut who would sleep with donkey ass for attention” (just kidding. I don’t have a sister.)

Or MAYBE, just maybe having my real name and photo just makes me a prime target for sites like a certain she-male site. I just looked at my blog stats (because thats what all new bloggers do) and I got a referral from that site. But I can’t get in the site to check it out because I’m obviously not a member.

I can only imagine that entire society of transgenders, cross-dressers and transvestites somehow found my blog through the world-sex-news website (another referrer who sent over 63 people to my blog the past 5 days) and are totally laughing at my photo, “haha! this is what Bob would look like if he got his brows waxed!!”

Ah, but they found me because I ate cod fish sperm sacs and frog fallopian tubes! I guess all them sex-addicts got all sophistercated ‘n stuff and have search engine spiders scanning the blogs for posts with the phrases like “sperm sac” or “donkey ass.”

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Beautiful Mae from Rice and Noodles tagged me on this meme.

1. Knitting isn’t just for little old ladies – I can knit. Its therapeutic for me – something very soothing in the clickity-clack rhythm of stitches and feel of smooth, warming bamboo knitting sticks. I love making things by hand, creating heirlooms that will be passed down from generation to generation. Its also kind of like legacy insurance. Just in case I flop in everything else, “at least that crazy Grandma Jaden left a nice sweater for you!”

 (i bribed him with cookies to smile like he really likes his new sweater)

2. After having 2 kids only 16 months apart, I sorta lost a bunch of brain cells. So, I bought a bottle of Focus Factor, which according to the infomercials, is supposed to help with your memory loss.

Two months later, no change. Apparently, the makers of Focus Factor didn’t take into account that people with memory loss might not remember to take the stupid pills every day. I wasted $30.

3. I thought I was so cool in the 80’s. That spiky hair full of AquaNet, dorky sunglasses, Madonna bracelets, lace socks, frosted pink lipstick, even pegged pants.

Don’t laugh. You know you have the same picture hiding in the back of your closet.

4. My husband and I:

got married
went on honeymoon
sold a house
bought a house
moved cross country
started a business
got pregnant

all in a period of 2 months.

wtf were we thinking?!! oh yeah, we weren’t….

5. I dip my McDonalds french fries in soft serve ice cream.

I tag some of my new friends:

Passionate Eater

Ady from Diario di una passione

Rasa Malaysia

Amy from Nook & Pantry

Guy J

Piegirl

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I think this must be my lucky week! I won this:

From here:

Thank you Ari!!

hee hee ~happy dance!~

…now if i could only win the lottery….

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